Rebuilding Your Life After A Divorce

I came across an online article that I was stunned by. I wrote some of the wording down to do a blog about it one day. It was about and called "Rebuilding your life after a divorce." The author was telling people "you should start leading the life of a single person immediately! ..... You should force yourself to make a date at least once a week..... even if it's only dinner with someone you work with, .... Basically, you should just out and out not concern yourself with the "yes or no" possibilities of a sexual encounter." and finally ended with, "Just remember, time and people will cure all your ills, and you will be happy again."

Wow!
I tried to find to out who wrote it because I can't think of a better way to continue and even expand upon negative behaviour patterns than by never doing your awareness, accountability, healing and growth work after a relationship ends. Doing none of one’s personal work and immediately rushing out to find someone new to date or have sex with, in my opinion, will almost certainly result in (or inflict upon!) more problems in the next relationship(s) by this person.
I feel bad for anyone who believes this b.s. and jumps into bed with a work mate or anyone else right away as a way of ‘rebuilding’ life after a divorce’! I couldn’t find the author’s name. All I know is that it was a free ebook on a site that supposedly offers quality books. This ebook was an example of all the not-so-reputable information on the internet.

If you really think over what the author was saying, it just doesn’t make sense on so many levels. Aside from it being a suggestion to exercise “masking” rather than “dealing” with the reality of a lost or ended relationship, the idea of growing from a failed marriage or long-term relationship is totally ignored. Advising people to basically go through the motions of being a single person instead of doing their growth work sounds not just unprofessional, it actually sounds like something teenagers would suggest to their friends, or think to do themselves, but certainly not what I would expect from someone who is qualified to articles about relationships.

Going out with friends and/or meeting new people ‘while’ doing our past relationship work is one thing, but to say that “time and people will cure all your ills” is just ridiculous! Time does not just heal all wounds or ills. If it did, we sure as heck wouldn’t have such a huge assortment of psychiatrists, psychologists, anxiety or depression medications, and even relationship coaches like me. Imagine how different life would be if we really just had to go out on a date and have sex with a stranger to get over the pain and devastation of your whole life falling apart on you. But, they didn’t say you would heal by doing it. They simply suggested that as the way to rebuild your life after a divorce. Hmmm…


Sharon Shenker, ece, fle, ba, mbti, cvbc
Family Relationships and/or Divorce Coach
Founder, Divorce Support Plus
Author, My Family Has Two Houses
Adviser, www.morethanmedication.ca
www.divorcesupportplus.ca
www.lovingtherightways.com
514-804-3585