How Many Times Will It Take?

Once again a family is having to go through the pain and torment of a divorce. I was chatting with a man, through emails, who wanted to keep his family together and liked the services I provide so he wanted his wife to come for a couple of session to see if I could help them save their relationship by changing it, but his wife said no. She was not interested in relationship coaching, she wants a divorce.

I was really glad they decided to go for the six free mediation sessions offered here in Quebec. In fact, I know of the mediator they are planning to work with. He he has a good reputation and I think a good track record for being able to help his clients through the process without anyone giving up and going for the court battle.

They have four kids between them. Two older ones from her first marriage, and five year old twins together. I don't know the details, but I was thinking about them tonight and wondering if the older ones will get to still spend time with this man, and their younger siblings. I hope the mediator will be able to help them come to a healthy agreement about visitation for them all to be continue as a family unit. Wouldn't it be sad if the twins rarely see their older siblings?

And, what happens if she meets a new guy, and marries again? Will there be another man for these four kids to call 'Dad'? A third one for the older kids, and a second for the younger ones, and I wonder how many kids he will have. So many children live with revolving parents nowadays... and it's so difficult for them. I once worked with a young girl who did not understand who some of the people were to her. She had even been told that her father's new girlfriend was her friend because the father did not want his soon-to-be-ex to know he already had a girlfriend. She was so confused, and I was disappointed that the father refused to tell the truth, allowing his daughter to believe and live a lie he created.

Sometimes I just want to scream out, "No relationship is perfect! No person is perfect! Human beings have faults but we have to work at keeping that loving connection when we have said "I do" and had kids!" I have had so many clients come to me on the verge of divorce and when I ask either the husband or wife, "when was the last time you went out together, alone, just the two of you to had fun?" Honestly, each time, the answer is a silent shrug of the shoulders, a look of confusion, possibly a look at each other, and then simply, "I don't remember. I guess a long time ago." Some even add, "maybe before the kids." I don't understand how anyone can think the fun, passion, and connection between them can last with not effort to keep the fire going in the relationship.

I'll stop going on about this now and end with a suggestion for those of you who are in a relationship now. If you want to feel that spark again so that you don't feel stuck in a boring or loveless relationship, use the calendar on my site. It's called, "28 Days To Make Your Relationship Sizzle Again!" As you follow the daily instructions, I'm sure your relationship will begin to once again be full of joy and passion in time for Valentine's Day, and ... your children won't have to wonder how many times you're going to fall in love and then leave that person. They won't have to ask themselves or You, "How many times will it take... for you to understand that you have to do the work to keep the relationship loving and strong enough to hold the family together in one house?"